Last year, I started taking my two sons Toby and Nathan to Aikido classes.
Aikido is a Japanese martial art based on diverting an attacker’s energy to resolve conflict.
I’ve just picked up Aikido again, bringing my kids along, after taking a break from it for a year or so.
As I’ve begun to re-acquaint myself with the techniques and the philosophy of the power of diffusing conflict, more and more similarities are emerging to my philosophy about selling.
You see, if you’re selling the old way “going for the close” and “playing the numbers game”, you can’t help but to be create conflict with the very people you are hoping to sell too.
Sales pressure and the reaction to it, rejection, is triggered by the person initiating the sales relationship.
The more you use old-school sales techniques and sales thinking, the faster your prospect’s guard goes up, and then you hit what I call “the wall”. It’s a painful place to be.
And if that’s the only way you’ve been trained to sell, then it’s not your fault.
Because all you know, is what you know.
That’s why shifting your mindset to a place of being centered, where you care more about the person you’re helping than the commission you’re after, is the center of the calm.
It’s the center of power and trust.
When your prospect feels genuinely understood by you, and that you truly care about solving their problems, then you are much closer to making a sale.
The more you enter a conversation thinking from your point of view, and talking about what you have to offer, the more sales you lose.
Good news is, if you’re truly an open-minded person, you can make the shift. If you’re not, you’ll have no choice but to continue believing there is only one way of selling.
I’m going to share with you what I call the “10 Keys to Making The Mindset Shift”.
These 10 principles are the core behind the Unlock The Game Mindset.
Toby and Nathan having fun learning their first Aikido rolls
- Shift your mindset away from ‘making the sale’ towards whether the fit exists or not. Look for what the other person is thinking and whether there is actually a real possibility of a fit. Do not assume they should buy what you have. Aim to connect, not force or persuade.
- Be a helper not a “pitcher”. Help your prospect solve their problem, instead of referring to your features and benefits – this centers the conversation on the other person.
- Focus on the beginning – not the end. Be sensitive to the early interaction with your prospect – keep your mindset stay in the present moment and avoid pushing forward (where you want to go – which you can only guess at best).
- Avoid chasing prospects – behave with dignity. Create a pressure-free atmosphere – set a tone of equality and mutual respect – strive to be regarded as a helpful human being instead of a typical sales person.
- Connect with your prospects rather than work through a list. Focus on how to make a true connection with each prospect – this naturally helps build trust – think about and discuss their issues, not yours.
- Creating trust with your prospect is your primary goal – not making the sale. Creating genuine trust is the essence of building real relationships — real relationships turn into more sales.
- Diffuse any pressure that you sense in the sales process. By diffusing the tension and pressure in the sales process between you and your prospects, you bring both of you closer to an honest and truthful conversation.
- Change your languaging away from ’sales speak’ to natural languaging that connects with people. By using phrases like ‘would you be open to’ instead of ‘would you be interested in’, you immediately set yourself apart as someone who is patient, open minded and willing to listen.
- Understand your prospect’s problems deeply so that they feel ‘understood’ by you. By having a deep understanding of the problems that your prospects experience everyday, the easier it will be for you to really feel that you know and care about their situation.
- Use the Unlock The Game Mindset – both in your business and personal life because relationships are the same in both worlds. By also applying these principles in your personal life, with people you care about, you’ll begin to see a deeper trust being built that can strengthen your relationships for the long term.
Author Info: Ari Galper, featured in Dan Kennedy’s “No B.S. Sales Success In The New Economy” best selling book, is the creator of Unlock The Game® a breakthrough sales program used successfully by thousands of entrepreneurs, sales people and consultants worldwide. You can take the FREE TEST DRIVE at http://www.UnlockTheGame.com 
Understand your prospect’s problems deeply so that they feel ‘understood’ by you. By having a deep understanding of the problems that your prospects experience everyday, the easier it will be for you to really feel that you know and care about their situation.
great tips Ari,
will make a plan to start changing my mindset
thank you
…good rules to follow…
As Dan Kennedy said many times … be a welcomed guest not an unwelcomed pest!
… if you don’t like the way the game is played, change the rules!
At my restaurants we are here for the complete satisfaction and happiness of our guest not for the convenience of our staff or owners. When we do this well the restaurant gains market share and the guest spend more $$$.
I’ve just sent out our first newsletter (credit this to Jim Palmer,) which has almost nothing to do with selling insurance products but gives my clients interesting financial tips i know they can use. Can’t believe i’m getting responses and planning inquiries THE DAY AFTER they received it!! This was supposed to take 6+ months!! Anyway, i’ve long ago learned to give stuff away. I’m far from perfect, but the more i do that the more seems to be given to me to do just that. And the beat goes on …
Great post, Ari!
People like to do business with people that they see as honest, patient, and not pushy… by choosing your words wisely, you make a more effective case for doing business with you… and your clients will be only too glad to!
…I’m a big believer that educating a client will outsell any form of pressure sale…
and by educating a client first it puts you in a whole different category then your competitor – and you are viewed as the professional – and as a professional you end up making higher priced sales
How refreshing to read about these 10 principles, Ari. I teach my own clients to focus on providing solutions to problems, remedies for their prospects’ pain, and help that can change lives. Then they’ll make the sale without really selling at all.
Though I am now fully into teaching about conflict and communication skills through Aikido, I first became interested in this field and in Aikido when I was selling real estate (1979-92). I appreciate your words about centering, so important in all aspects of life! — Judy Ringer, Author “Unlikely Teachers: Finding the Hidden Gifts in Daily Conflict.”
I’ve been a serious student of sales and sales management for decades — read dozens of books and attended untold hours of training seminars.
NOTHING comes close to to Ari’s “Unlock The Game” program.
If only all salespeople learned the mindset approach Ari teaches…
Here’s how to see my full story and get free audios from Ari:
1. Click on my photo under “Top Commentators” above right
2. Click on the “Free Stuff” page on my website
Thanks, Ari!
Thanks Ari.
This information is just so on the money,
if you are perceived before you even start as a sales person then your all ready swimming against the tied. as the person your dealing with already have there guard up! and why “because your trying to sell them something”
The old way of walking the client down the corridor and closing all the doors behind them so they only have one exit (the sales order form ) exit to me is so Old Hat and also wrong , yeah you might have made a quick sale but if they did not need it or it hasn’t given them a benefit, or it hasn’t solved a problem for them, then don’t be surprised that your next phone call to them is a short one!
To me you want to be viewed as a trusted adviser to your client, give them free advise to help overcome their problem or situation, then offer one of your solutions if its relevant .
“Have the best day you can have……its your choice”
Andrew
Great to see your smiling face, Charles!
And to think that all this time I thought you were just a white blob on a grey background…
Right, in Aikido instead of blocking the opponent with force you redirect their momentum. In this case you’re redirecting them to the solution to their problem which is your product or service. You say that in other words in #2 – “Be a helper not a “pitcher”.
We’ve got two ears and one mouth. We should listen at least twice as much as we speak.
Hi Paul, perfectly said. The deeper message in my article was about re-surfacing our ability to truly listen and stay totally present with a potential client.
That’s a feat many entrepenuers take a life time to achieve.
Unlock The Game is all about accelarating that process so that you learn to connect with people at a deeper level, even in a busines relationship, that turns into a profitable relationship for both parties.
If only most sales people and business owners learned to listen more, we’d probably have a complete economic turn around in this country.
Thanks for your comment.
By the way, I’ll be one of the few speakers at the GKIC SuperConference this year…hope you can make it and come by and say hello.
Ari Galper
Founder, Unlock The Game
Thanks, I’ll try and make that happen, Ari.